“You’re crazy if you think this will work, this was a huge mistake.”
As I was sitting in the Southern California sun this past Sunday, enjoying an overpriced kale-avocado wrap at a cute cafe, my brain should have been blissfully happy…instead it was LOUD and NASTY.
This inner bully of mine gets so intense when I’m going after new and bigger things, I start thinking I’m schizophrenic.
The voice is my head is so loud and clear…then my higher self starts talking back to it (as I’ve trained it to do) then a shouting match starts in my brain.
It’s exhausting and often paralyzing.
What saves me is I know this is all happening simply because I’m scared. I then detach from that nasty bully, and see her as a terrified girl lashing out.
I softly and lovingly ask her, “What would help you feel more secure and supported right now?”
(Sometimes I do this as a writing exercise, and sometimes I have this full conversation out loud.)
Her answer on Sunday was, “I don’t know, but I don’t want to feel this way.”
So I spoke to her as I would speak to a frightened highly anxious 11 year-old…gently and with love.
“It’s ok to feel scared, this is scary stuff, we’ve never invested this much money before into our business, and we could lose it all…that is the risk we were willing to take. I promise whatever happens, we will be better for it, and we can go as slow as needed for you to feel safe.”
We both took a deep breath with a long sigh, and took ourselves on a walk to our favorite palm tree lined street.
If I was so compelled to share this raw story with you, I know there are some of you who needed to hear this right now.
I see you. I get it. I love you. It will all work out exactly as it’s suppose to.
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